Life lessons I’ve learned as of late:
- It’s totally inappropriate to talk about how great your life is and rain on somebody’s pity party – come armed with commiserations only. And wine. Always bring the wine.
- The best way to empty the dishwasher is to use it as your dish cupboard until it’s empty again.
- There are only three actual weather forecasts in Portland: Rainy, Very Rainy, and Torrential Downpour. The addition of “with a chance of rain” to anything is a blatant lie, and actually means good old fashioned rainy.
- The blueberry muffin you get at the downstairs hospital cafe may harbor 72% of your daily advised daily cholesterol intake. Lesson? Do not check nutrition facts. Ever.
- When your closet breaks due to an abundance of clothing, it’s time to get a bigger closet.
- If you’re in the mood for pizza, but only have gluten free flat bread, pasta sauce, muenster cheese, and a muffin pan – it turns out mostly edible. Mostly.
- ALWAYS loiter in the break room. You never know when you’ll be audience to an infomercial worthy demonstration of the doctor’s portable espresso maker kept handy in his man purse.
- When your puppy makes puppy eyes at you and acts like you starve her, don’t give in. She’s already had breakfast, lunch, supper, and dinner.
- Do not ever cry at the hospital. Even if it’s just a single pathetic tear. Everybody tells everybody, and pretty soon you’re known as the crier.
- When you ask a patient if they’ve experienced constipation or diarrhea, and they answer both – settle in and gets snacks, you’re in for a very long and very detailed narrative.
- If you can’t eat donuts, because they will cause anaphylaxis, but have poor self control – order a coffee from Krispy Kreme, and the cup smells like DONUTS. I wish I could have a donut air freshener for my car?
- If you write a blog when you’re starving, and it subconsciously becomes all about comfort food, and then everyone who reads in thinks you’re a total hefer? It’s okay. There are worse things in life to be. OM NOM NOM NOM.
You’re welcome for such lovely kernels of wisdom. Happy Thursday.