Life is messy.
I know people say that all the time, and then add cliche quotes and an instagram background to it to make it deceivingly orderly and cute, but really, what an honest to goodness mess.
We come into life knowing that we want to eat, sleep, and be held. Yet as we grow up, we find ourselves drowning so completely in the chaos of decisions and obligations and what if scenarios that many of us end up missing out on just that: eating, sleeping, and being held.
So, I was having a day today, in which I truly appreciated (and stewed in the realization of) the full extent of the mess that is my life, when suddenly I was given a wonderful gift.
You see, Tuesdays are my baby cuddling days up in the NICU. And today, I was given the very official job of baby burper, in which all the babies were fed in rapid succession, and I followed suit with my superb burping skills.
In fact, burp in medical jargon is actually called “eructation.” Which I guess makes me the official Eructator? Suddenly, I feel all fancy shamncy, and underdressed in my pseudo fancy pants, which are actually black yoga pants that give the illusion of sophistication, and yet the comfort of an elastic waistline. I digress.
The point is that aside from being rather shocked at the burps that come out of babies the size of my hand, I was brought back to the simple reality of life.
You see, the very last burpee needed some extra cuddles, which of course I gladly provided (gosh, my job is so hard), while rocking both myself and him to sleep for a much needed nap.
And in that moment, looking at his tiny little hands curled up under his chin, and his cheek tucked into my shoulder, I realized that we are wrong. I am wrong. Life is not messy. We are messy, and we take our mess and put it onto life, and say, “Oh my gosh, Life. This is all your fault. Look what you’ve done.” When in fact, life is actually quite simple.
Life, like this tiny baby I was holding, is not about the mess we project on it, but rather the basic need to love and be loved. And everything else follows suit.
So forget your pros and cons list, your horoscopes, your manic and constant rumination of worries that are unchangeable, and step back.
Take another step back.
The only thing that matters is filling your ventricles and atria with love. And blood. Blood is also a pretty good heart filler.
Happy Late Valentine’s Day ❤