A Tour of My Brain

Random thought stream: I’m pretty sure You’ve Got Mail was the first official Tinder date. Very hipsteresque – Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan Tindered before it was even cool. Gosh, it must be hard to have a relationship over ancient AOL. You know what else is hard? PUZZLES. They just sit on the toy shelf all unsuspecting with pretty little pictures like, “Do me! Do me! I’ll be so much fun!” And before you know it, two hours have gone by, you’re tipsy off Prosecco, only ten pieces have been put together, and you just look at the remaining 450 pieces and wonder what you’re doing with your life. You what else else is hard? When you turn 25, and your metabolism packs it’s bags and elopes to Las Vegas with your six pack, leaving you high and dry and actually having to like….abstain from donuts. I mean, abstinence? What even is that? I only vaguely remember ever hearing that word in sex ed a million years ago when people were still AOLing. Remember AOL Instant Messenger? Before Myspace even? How did we even grow into functioning adults with such limited social media? And why can’t I be passive aggressive on Facebook and list my “Top Eight Friends?” Also. With no relation to any random train of thought whatsoever – Don’t listen to Serial while driving alone, at night, in the forest, with no cell service. Just don’t do it. Also. Why are rompers still okay? And who decided to call them rompers? But mostly, WHY ARE THEY STILL OKAY?

Alright. I need a snack and a nap now.

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